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Meat is was Murder

crossposted in German at Sistaweb

I’ve been a Vegetarian for over 11 years.  In 1995, I spontaneously decided that I much preferred cows to steaks.  Since that fateful Thursday, all those years ago, I’ve eaten neither meat, nor fisch nor fowl, nor Gummi-bears, and I’ve felt better about myself, being a friend of the animals.

But now, I say shit on ‘em.  Maddox put it best, when he said, “If God didn’t want us to eat animals, he wouldn’t have made them out of meat”.  On Tuesday, September 12, 2006 (our monthly Date Evening), I, Rube, will, for the first time since the first Clinton presidency, give the knife-and-fork-treatment to an unlucky one of our four-feeted friends. And I’ll enjoy it, despite current scandals in the German meat packing industry and the lugubrious braying of militant PETA-Hippies.

But it’s not without its difficulties, this change in eating habits.  I’ve never actually eaten meat here in Germany.  I have no idea how things like Wienerschnitzel or Currywurst taste, not to mention what one puts on them.  Does mayonnaise go with Leberkse?  Does one eat Schweinsbraten with his fingers? I have no idea.  That’s why Rube needs your help!

If you’ve spent some time in Germany, and know your way around the Teutonic kitchen, drop me a line in the comments. Or, if you’ve got some secret tips, like how one goes about eating Weisswurst, feel free to chime in.  I’m a complete beginner here, so no piece of information is too trivial.

Thanks for your support!


Bob Baird

Rube -

My expertise comes from eating white sausage with an old girl friend Joanie who took me to Europe in search of Georg Gross pics and decent drugs. She's no longer with us but I distinctly remember wandering around the Berlin train station looking for her in the broom closets for two weeks.

As I recall, sausage purists have all kinds of rituals, but my Florida Gators system was OK: dunk the sausage in the provided mustard... the sweet kind, mix liberally with pretzels and wash down with that dark wheat beer... and then go get another plate of the greasy goodies.

It's just like grilled sausages out behind the KKK house only it's hard to find the wheat beer so you might as well just drink whatcha got.

That good enough?


Bob Baird

Rube --

Before I have herds of angry Kappa Alpha brothers taking me to the Gainesville Wolfies for a beatdown, I should say that KKK is a bad joke. It's supposed to be KA.



Dude I just eat anything and everything my German neighbors put in front of me. I ask no questions but damn almighty I have put my foot down over the Bloodwurst. Just ain't happening.

If you order a Rumpsteak's been my experience in German restaurants that they will always serve your beef very rare..very bloody. Now if you like that then it's fine...I myself have gotten used to seeing blood mix and run in with my gravy but just heads up on that tid bit...


The first time I was in Germany..not speaking or reading the language...I ordered the was a fucking pig's head. I had to go to Amsterdam to get over it.

Know what I mean?

Jim - PRS

Bratwurst, Bockwurst, Regensburgerwurst -- mustard and Kraut. Wienerschnitzel -- a bit of lemon.

I admit it. I like meat cooked through. Once I wasn't paying attention and the waitress in Schaerding Austria asked, after I ordered Filetsteak, "English?" I thought she was asking me if I had been speaking English. Of course, I soon learned that "English" means that the cow's ass is just barely singed before it hits the farookin' Teller.

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