You Bitch! || Rube shrugs

Rube shrugs

Posted by Rube in Living at 3:45 a.m. on Jan. 19th, 2005
6 Comments 0 Pings

Over at A Small Victory, they’ve started the ol’ fat-chick/skinny-chick theoreticals up. Why in the world does anybody debate this point? The cool thing is, the extremes are out. There’s people over there dredging up stories about that 300-lb. gorilla-woman they bagged in college who really wasn’t that bad in the sack, and had a good heart to boot, not that I asked and oh, don’t worry, I always wear my dinner on my shirt. I’m sorry, guys and gals, but if fat-mouthing gets your goat because your chick’s a whale...sorry, I can’t think of a good animal metaphor to end that sentence, but still, you’re the one with the problem.

I wouldn’t date a fat girl. They’re not attractive to me, and therefore it would be silly for me to date one. I also wouldn’t date this Teri Polo chick because she’s a fucking actress! Have you ever talked to an actress? Jesus, it’s like holding a conversation with your hand after jerking off, I mean really, thanks for the amusing lay, honey, but I’ve got a book to read. I need a bit more intellectual grab-ass than that. I need a girl who can talk about something that’s not written in all-caps on a piece of paper after her name and a stage direction. I mean, really, up until the 1970s actors and actresses weren’t even considered polite company.

So, will I be considering my possible future with Teri Polo, spending late nights drinking cheap wine and discussing with her the theological implications of the theory of relativity, and the destabilizing influence of voice recording on the natural evolution of human language? No, I doubt it.

Will I be masturbating vigorously over the upcoming Playboy spread? Yes. Yes I will. At least until the cashier at the gas station catches me.

UPDATE: Get a load of this guy at Michele’s

My theory is that guys who go for girls with bodies like 11-year-old boys actually would prefer to be with 11-year-old boys.

Posted by Dirk on January 18, 2005 07:24 AM

Yes, “Dirk”, because all 11-year-old boys have 36-inch hips and perky, pouting breasts with well-defined yet subtly protruding nipples, as well as expertly-manicured vaginas. My theory, Dirk, is that men who have trouble telling Playboy models from 11-year-old boys better just stay the fuck away from my nephews, that’s all I’m saying.

Comments

Sandy

January 19, 2005 at 10:44 a.m.:

I have 4 brothers and I've seen them date 'em all..when my bros were young they mostly cared only about who would put out basically..size didn't matter too much...they weren't real big into "relationships". I'm a woman and I honestly don't like even looking a real fat chick and I've put on some pounds over the last few years myself. When a person is real fat it makes me think they don't care about themselves..it's a fact too that fat people sweat more so that in bed wouldn't be too good right? haha. But..people like what they like..everybody has their own tastes. Fat girls who even bring up this topic are jealous because if they could look like Teri Polo they fuckin would in a heartbeat and if they say different..they're lying because nobody really wants to be FAT.

Sandy

January 19, 2005 at 10:46 a.m.:

Oh and I like my porn as much as any man and I want the girls in them movies to be in shape...no fat chicks do I want to see..haha..I have my standards too :)

thebastidge

January 20, 2005 at 9:59 a.m.:

"Yes, "Dirk", because all 11-year-old boys have 36-inch hips and perky, pouting breasts with well-defined yet subtly protruding nipples, as well as expertly-manicured vaginas. My theory, Dirk, is that men who have trouble telling Playboy models from 11-year-old boys better just stay the fuck away from my nephews, that's all I'm saying"

Hell yeah, brother.