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26th of May, 2019

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Rube

An Advanced and Magical Blogger at an Unbelievable Price!

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Darwin Awards

I just got this from my mom, about the Darwin Awards from long, long ago.

The following mind-boggling attempt at a crime spree in Washington, DC appeared to be the robber’s first (and last), due to his lack of a previous record of violence, and his terminally stupid choices:

  1. His target was H&J Leather & Firearms; A gun shop specializing in handguns.
  2. The shop was full of customers - firearms customers.
  3. To enter the shop, the robber had to step around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door.
  4. A uniformed officer was standing at the counter, having coffee before work. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up, and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol.

The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, the police officer with a 9mm GLOCK 17, the clerk with a 50 DESERT EAGLE, assisted by several customers who also drew their guns, several of whom also drew and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt in the exchange of fire.

AND THE WINNER...

Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop! Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him. “The sheer force of the elephant’s unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him” said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern.

Comments

zonker

I was going to make a comment about the blown-eyed elephant but I'm <em>still</em> reeling from the fact that Mister Heffalump was receiving an olive oil enema.

BTW - Your referrer logs must be a delight, Rube.

Rube

Yes, Zonker, it's the only reason I still drag myself out of bed some daysâ?¦

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