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23rd of September, 2018

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Bond. James Bond.


I watched Munich the other night with the little lady. It’s a bit confusing, in an artistic sense. I know as much about the massacre itself as most people, and have concrete opinions about it that won’t be changed by a Spielberg movie, so I was more interested in the dramatic aspects. There are some downright lame moments in the film, with the screwing-your-wife/fantasizing-about-gunplay-and-exploding-helicopters montage at the top of the list. Other than that, the only real lasting impression I took with me was just how great an idea it was to cast Daniel Craig as the next James Bond.


Daniel Craig 186824M


Seeing Craig in a movie is an interesting experience. He’s absolutely magnetic on the screen. You can pick his beady little eyes and hideously craggy face out of any crowded scene. He looks like the Thing, from the Marvel comics, which is exactly the same reason that men like Sean Connery.


Thething


I know this choice is unpopular with women. Dames just love Pierce Brosnan. I admit it, he’s a sexy bastard, and if I were of a certain orientation or had a vagina he could save me from S.P.E.C.T.R.E. any day. But Pierce was just another dandy in a long line of ill-conceived Bonds. When the franchise switched from Sean Connery to Roger Moore, it also switched from being a man’s movie to being a metrosexual mish-mash of hideously bad jokes and pretty-boy Bonds mugging for the camera.


That’s not what men want to see. The Bond-film makers have finally seen the light, and want to bring the guys back into the theaters. With Daniel Craig, they’ve re-discovered the formula that made the Connery films so irresistible for men: An ugly-ass Popeye-looking dude who kills people at random, and gets more ass than a toilet seat.


Casino-Royale


Just get a load of that mug. Watching this palooka get it on with smokin’ hot women from around the world is going to be an inspiration for ugly, hairy guys everywhere. And it will reaffirm our faith in women, who for the last 25 years or so have been giving it up to simpering little Fauntleroys like this:


10101703A~Roger-Moore-James-Bond-Posters


Sheer brilliance, this Daniel Craig thing. Finally, a Bond movie that doesn’t make you weep with shame at what our world, and the men who bone their way through it, have become.

Comments

Velociman

More ass than a toilet seat, ha ha! Roger Me Moore is such a fucking pussy.

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