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17th of July, 2018

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Rube

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Fine Footwear

I, Rube, the blogger behind YouBitch!, am known throughout the world as a man of taste. No one is more demanding than I when it comes to what I choose to wear. And believe you me, money is no object when it comes to quality footwear. Therefore, it’s a pleasure to present to you, my dear reader(s), the finest piece of footwear that I have ever owned, the Malleo Sprint Ankle Brace.

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As you see, these are $172.00 well-spent. While the basic black never goes out of style, the subtle use of turquoise blue in the logo decals (which sadly peeled off the first day I was wearing it) really gives this objet d’art that much-appreciated flair! Whereas other manufacturers might include an embossed logo plate to mark up their own products, the Malleo Sprint identifies itself with quality and design. In fact, the only identifying labels left after initial use were the washing instructions sewn inside the boot, which are translated into near-perfect English right under the proud heading, “Made in China”.

In order to keep the price down, Malleo eschewed such niceties as double-stitching, cotton laces, high-quality materials, metal eyelets for the laces, or hard plastic ankle supports. What remains is a sleek, flexible, and sporty ankle brace that bends with you, and will stay tied together for an impressive 15 to 20 minutes at a stretch.

In order to put things into perspective, I’ll compare the Malleo Sprint Ankle Brace to the second-most expensive piece of footwear I’ve ever owned, the CCM Pro Tacks Sr. Ice Hockey Skates.

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At $280.00, these pro-level skates have a noticeably lower price than the $344.00 that a pair of Malleo Sprint Ankle Braces would have cost. The Pro Tacks are made in the sweatshops of Ontario, using cheap Canadian labor, in contrast to the fine old-world Chinese craftsmanship of the Malleo product. Although cheaper than the Malleo Sprint, the Tacks do include some features not found in its more expensive counterpart, such as leather uppers, cotton laces, metal eyelets, superior ankle support, Kevlar shielding, and a 4mm high-carbon stainless steel blade that allows the wearer to walk on ice. The skates also provide superior ankle support to the Malleo, but all of this comes at the cost of that Malleo Style.

$172.00 for a fucking ankle brace. What kind of fucking Mafia operation is the German health-care system?!???!? I ought to sic the police on these cocksuckers for insurance fraud. There’s getting fucked, and then there’s getting FUCKED!

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck . Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

>:-(

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