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23rd of October, 2017

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Wii Opening Ceremony

Most of you probably know about Mac “fanboys”. These are people that hang out exclusively on Apple-related websites, and wait for years on end for the application to work, for free, at the Genius Bars in Apple Stores. You need look no further than Flickr to see how far this obsession goes: People photograph themselves taking their freshly-delivered Macs out of the boxes, like the birth of the first child. This is known as OOBE-pr0n.

What you may not have known, is that there’s a similarly scary stalker element for Nintendo products. These are known as Nintendo Fanbois. I have no idea what could turn somebody into one of these, seeing as Nintendo really isn’t all that. But I just noticed that the Wii’s are starting to arrive, and the Wii-OOBE-pr0n is coming hard and fast.

I’ve personally owned a few pieces of Nintendo hardware. The NES was my first console after the venerable Atari 5200; I still play my Gameboy Color when I’m sitting on the can; and I bought my GameCube just 4 months ago, the first console I’ve bought since the Sega Genesis in 1992. Never once have I considered myself a Nintendo ‘fan’. I have no idea who Shigeru Miyamoto is supposed to be, a fact that would get me kicked out of any Nintendo fetishist’s house.

But the Wii? I feel goofy enough sitting around playing games with a normally controlled console; I absolutely will not subject myself to this:


The level of ragging that I would receive from my otherwise loving, gentle sweetie is beyond measure. I will die with dignity, and avoid the Wii, methinks.

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