You Bitch!
21st of September, 2017

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The Unmitigated Gall


The little lady and I watched the last 20 minutes of The Peacemaker last night. I’m aghast at the temerity involved, the balls you would have to have, to resolve a movie’s climax with two people sweating over a timebomb as it counts down to zero, debating which wire to pull, and defusing it just in time. I would personally fund a university study, up to about 8 bucks and change, to determine how many movies include this tired old plot device; which movie was the first that used it; and what sort of dried-up, talentless hack dared put it into a multi-million dollar movie in the 1990s. They were using that crap weekly on CHiPs, for the love of Pete.


I also see on IMDb that the two writing credits, both somewhat appropriately named Cockburn (1,2), have exactly one (1) writing credit each, that being this film. Here’s a tip fellows: Write every movie as if it were your last, because if you write this kind of bullshit despite having the kind of budget this film obviously had (they blew up a church!), it will be your last. How about letting the bomb go off and destroying New York? Too challenging for the average soccer mom? It worked for Somersby.


With the state of Hollywood being what it is, you can ignore the first and last 30 minutes of any movie you pick, and use that time to go take a dump, or smoke a cigarette, or, at least here in Germany, go back to the concession and buy yourself a well-earned beer. You’re going to need it with shit like this to wade through. For shame.


I’ll be taking my mom to see King Kong tonight, the English version of which is running at the local mall cinema tonight. At least here I know what I’m getting, and expectations are low. And there hero dies at the end, which isn’t too much to ask for.

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