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25th of September, 2017

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The Cult of Steve

Steve Jobs’ Apple WWDC Keynote (link may change) is on the web tonight.

I wasn’t expecting much, being a fairly recent purchaser of the Powerbook; and, if you’ll pardon the unseemly outburst, jumpin Jehosephat! Man, that new Tiger’s got stuff I ain’t never even heard of! You got little calculators and calendars, see, zooming in and zooming out; that’s what they call, er, what was it now, aw, I don’t remember what. The tagline was Expos for Widgets. Which is kind of strange, considering that widgets is a fairly new thing. Sort of like on of those recursive acronyms everybody’s been talking about, like GNU or LAME, it’s a recursive unveiling. Stick with me, I’m a conceptual person.

Then you got OS-Level Photoshop-plugins, see? That means, basically, that you can make Photoshop-like changes to everything on your screen. And it all happens at the NS-Widget Level. Not ‘widget’ like before, though, this is something different. See, now, all those buttons and sliders and boxes that you see on your screen, those are called ‘widgets’. And the ‘NS’ before them, that comes from NextStep. NextStep was the early-90’s version of OS X, but for a company called ‘NeXT’, who produced sexy little over-priced UNIX computers to sell to universities. Too. Anyways, now Macs are UNIX machines, without all the scary free-ness of Linux computers.

Ok, so, Photoshop-plugins were the point of discussion. Oh, one more thing: Steve started NeXT after The Other Steve screwed him out of his share of Apple. Then Apple came crawling back after 15 years-too-long of MacOS 1-9 cutesiness that would’ve ruined any other company. No, man, Apple’s got an advantage. Their entire market is made up of drug-hippies who haven’t run out of money yet. Probably 90% of their user-base is between the ages of 16 and 30, which is, as we all know, Prime Hippy Demographic. And don’t say “Oh Ess Ex”. That makes Steve mad. Say, “Oh Ess Ten”. See, that ‘X’ there is a roman numeral, I understand.

No, I’m not a member of the Cult of Steve. I have a Mac, and I love working on it; but I’m not yet a card-carrying brainwashed MacZombie. That’s because I realize that it’s a slippery slope that will lead me to using GoLive, kicking Hacky-Sacks, and, finally, paedophilia.

Stupid Mac.

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