You Bitch!
22nd of September, 2017

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Rube

An Advanced and Magical Blogger at an Unbelievable Price!

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Crazy People


I’m not sure exactly when it was that I lost all patience with crazy people. I used to feel sorry for them, and think, aww, poor crazy person. Maybe I could help or something. Now it’s all I can do not to plant my boot in their face. It’s like that smelly old lady who sits in the ATM kiosk and screams some sort of aggressive-sounding eastern European nonsense at me when I’m trying to get my money. I envision the joy on the faces of the jack-booted thugs who should, by all rights, be stomping her steaming, genetically-damaged innards all over the immaculately-tiled floors. Merry Christmas, you fucking crazy lady. Then there’s the so-called “King of Augsburg,” who’s basically a 40-something attention-whore who dresses up like Ludwig II and walks around city hall like he owns the place. Let’s not forget this one loon who jumps on the streetcar at all hours and sings opera at the top of his lungs. They should be tagged, shaved, and sterilized, the whole loopy lot of them.


That’s why this post by Velociman aggravates me. Not only does he not engage them with violence, he gives them smokes! It’s the two things that conspire to drive me batshit: non-violence with regards to crazy people, and the wanton giving of smokes to freeloaders. Now, in all fairness, I used to give cigarettes to anyone who asked. I could recognize a brother in need, and would happily surrender a Camel to silence the monkey, if only fleetingly. I’m not sure how this tradition started, but it’s wrong-headed in the most serious way. I didn’t realize just how wrong it was until I went to Paris. I’ll warn you now, in case you’ve never been in Paris: Don’t ever smoke outdoors. Even in the nice parts of town, you’ll be swarmed by sullen teenagers from every direction, demanding a cigarette; and offering not even the slightest nod of thanks once you give them one. You’ll go through about a pack an hour in daylight, and you’ll be asking for a brick-slap on the back of your skull if you light up at night. Since my last trip to Paris, I’ve taken a different tack towards freeloaders. If somebody comes up and asks for a cigarette, I ask for money. If I’ve got more than half a pack left, it’s only 50 cents. If I’m down to the last 5 or so, or if the asker is drunk, it’s a cool Euro per nail. You should try it; it works. You can make enough to buy a whole pack, and it’s better than saying no, since it’s completely fair. Unless it’s a crazy person, in which case you should just say no because you’re as likely to get a small rock painted with a smiley-face as you are to get a Euro.

Comments

Velociman

I don't have many friends, Rube. And the ones I have I have to buy off with tobacco.

Sandy

Jesus H. Christ..you sound exactly like my husband. We used to live near El Paso, TX and lots of panhandlers and crazy folks down there...I fell for it alot especially if the crazy mom had crazy kid with her and I'd give smokes out to the older men. My husband gave me a good tongue lashing for that but..fuck it I still do it. I just can't stop feeling sorry for them and if they're crazy...well ya know..bless their hearts, not their fault.

Rube

Well, V-Man, if you really thought about it, you could put some sort of knock-out drugs in the cigarettes, wait till the crazy people pass out, take them home with you, lock them in the root cellar, and then they'd be your friends forever, just like the mutant! And Sandy, these are grown people. It ain't my fault they're worthless, crazy sacks of shit, and I don't see why I have to pay for it. If they don't mind paying for the smokes, I don't mind giving them. Outside of money, they have nothing to offer me. I hang out enough with lunatics without having them lured to the siren's call of even more handouts in their worthless lives.

Catfish

Sometimes it is easlier to pay them off and be done with them, rather than not to deal with them later. Kim is a very smart man and I value him as a a good friend and I read him daily, Cat.

Ex

I'm kind of split on this one. I agree that you eventually come to a point where you just don't want to give anymore and would rather give them advice on how to clean up rather than money that they'll waste on something unproductive, but at the same time, I can't help but feel sorry for them. Some of them, in fact, can't really help it especially if they have mental disorders. The problem is not being able to identify which ones can't help it and which ones are just too lazy to help themselves.

Sandy

"lured to the siren's call"...haha..that's kinda funny. As much as I truly understand what you're saying and I'm getting your humor here but dude..I'm a sucker..a damn softie..what can I say?

duce

the article sucked big ones

bentia carter

you evil bitch my mom is bipolar how dare you talk about people with obvious mental illness problems like that if they bother you so damn much call the police to get them some help but dont call them out there name because thats not helping.

Rube

Bentia, you're a nutcase.

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