I’m gearing up for the UK driver’s exam, and I just came across this nugget:

Pedestrian Crossings

The correct type of crossing should be recognized and the correct procedure demonstrated. You should:

• at zebra crossings slow down and stop if anyone is waiting to cross
• give way to pedestrians on a pelican crossing when the amber lights are flashing
• give way to cyclists as well as pedestrians on a toucan crossing and act correctly at puffin crossings

I have no idea what the fuck these people are talking about. Zebra, OK I get it, stripes. But a pelican crossing? And seriously, how can anyone be expected to act correctly at a puffin crossing? How would one go about looking up the etiquette of such a place?

I’ve been here now for two years, and I got my Learner’s Permit just over a month ago. Now that I have a car, I will need to buck up and get the license to go with it. So far, my ignorance of the terms and conditions of the UK Provisional License has led me to break at least them most egeregiously.

What are provisional licence conditions?

As a provisional licence holder you are restricted to a maximum speed limit of 45 mph and you must display L-plates on the front and rear of your vehicle. You must have a qualified driver with you who is at least 21 years of age and who has held a full licence in that category for at least three years. You are also not allowed to drive on a motorway.

Whoops. So, I will now let the little lady drive a bit more. We can take down the L-plates, and finally top the granny speed.