I’ve done nothing today; nothing but clean out the cluttered closets of my preferred newsfeed reader. There were some connections in there that were sorely neglected. I could use a bit more time to wade through the degenerate filth that is my blogroll, but sadly, I work. The Company is tolerant in their control over my time, fair since they do not pay hourly; but tolerance has its limits, and I doubt they would look kindly upon my spending the business day in a fugue state, reading entry after entry of dialectics about Jessica Simpson’s tits, or Brittney Spears’ overplayed poonanny.

Nevertheless, it saddens me that my everyday is not blessed with the nuggets of wisdom from skippystalin:

Being the only person with an out-of-control substance abuse problem in a relationship is tough. Most romantic couplings are based on common interests and most of my interests culminate in my waking up in a pool of what I think is my own urine and not being quite sure what time zone I’m in. I’m much like a cat in that I have a tendancy of marking my territory with my vomit, blood and gallons of my semen...My ability to smoke, drink and masturbate furiously at the same time might not be much, it’s all that I have.

Ahh, skippystalin, how I’ve missed you, and your nuggets.

This is how I spend my vacation: visiting Stonehenge on one day; reading the melancholy musings of skippystalin the next, picturing him composing scholarly tracts through bitter tears, a crushed Viagra dissolving in a highball of Jack Daniels next to the keyboard, as another long evening fades into a blur of poetry, madness, and vigorous bouts of hate-filled masturbation. And wondering, of the two, which is the more meaningful and fitting monument to humanity?

They should’ve just burned enjoyeverysandwich to CD, stuck it to the side of Voyager along with its author, and shot the whole lot into space back when they had government funding to do so, all in the name of making a good first impression for whatever aliens were out cruising for an easy meal.

skippystalin’s output is prodigious, to be sure, but there was an entire blogroll to consider:

• The lunatics are running the asylum over at Straight White Guy’s place. Eric’s testicles are mentioned, indirectly. Remind me to change my passwords regularly and start using strong encryption.

• At WWTDD, the masturbation theme continues, this time involving Jessica Alba:

How stoned do you have to be to cheat on Jessica Alba? I could jack off to Jessica Alba while a big mean dog was chasing me and this idiot is cheating on her. I decided to confront him about this and I screamed at him, hey, what is your problem. And he said I should get off his lawn. And I said, no, no you get off the lawn. You get off. Then he went inside, probably because deep down, he knew I had made some pretty good points.

Remarkably, if you do a google image search of Jessica Alba, you see her ass more than her face.

• JimGoad.com is no more, but if you’re a Goad fan (ladies!), you can find find him here. Discussion of Brittany’s latest, erm, candid photos is also to be found, but be aware that the following picture is used as a visual aid: