I’m sitting here watching my temporary doghouse roommate play what has to be the second most boring racing video game I’ve ever seen, Forza Motorsport. It’s. Soooooo. Sloooooooow. It’s like watching a NASCAR race consisting entirely of ‘84 Buick Regals. There are no pedestrians to run over, no nitro button, and you aren’t even allowed to run the other cars off the road into the woods.

Another snoozer is Microsoft’s Flight Simulator. I just got through flying 11 hours over the Atlantic in the real world, and I think it’s insane anyone would even imagine making a game out of it. Only Microsoft could get away with such blatant perversity.

The award for most boring video game ever, though, goes without a doubt to 18 Wheels of Steel. It’s like Flight Simulator, except you’re driving a semi truck across the United States in realtime, and you get bonus points for staying within posted speed limits and delivering your load of photocopiers or whatever on time. Jesus, why not just get a job as a truck driver and actually get paid for the same amount of wasted life? A co-worker of mine would actually come in with bags under his eyes from playing this game all night, and bitch about the way people drove on the American Interstate. That’s just wrong, wrong wrong.