With all the petulant in-fighting going around at election time, sometimes it’s good to remember that the USA is really the best country in the world.  Don’t get me wrong, I love lib-baiting as much as the next fascist-jackbooted-brownshirted repug, but it’s really all in good fun.  Today, the people of the United States are deciding what they want their future to be, and we’re sending the world a message.  That message may well be that we’ve kind of taken a shine to being the world’s abusive drunken uncle having ‘Nam flashbacks like the last 3 years, diving behind the couch every time a car backfires screaming ‘Charlie’s in the bush goddammit, Charlies in the bush!’ and unloading the 12-gauge at random into the woods behind the house, fuck me what the hell was that all about?  Or, we might just elect the ugliest, lamest, panderingest pussy to run for president since McGovern.

But you know what, Mr Terrorist?  No matter who wins the election, we’re still going to kick your ass. We’re going to do it without even trying.  In fact, we’re going to kick your ass without even looking like we were trying.  It’ll be like, whoops, what was that?  Sounded like we just kicked some terrorists’ asses back there!  Maybe we should turn around and see if he’s alright?  Nah, we’ll be late for the hockey game if we do that.  We’re going to kick your ass so hard, even Allah will cringe.  There ain’t enough virgins in heaven for all dumbfucks like you we’re going to be sending his way the next couple of years.

And once we’re done kicking your ass, we’ll kick your brother’s ass.  Then your dad’s ass will become acquainted with mister government-issue desert-color camel-stomper boot, model 1994.  We’ll slap your mama if she gives us any lip as well. Then we’ll burn down your fucking house, plow salt into the ground, even though it’s made out of sand, anyway; it’ll be like Odysseus at the beginning of the Iliad, except we’ll be doing it because we’re blind drunk instead of trying to act all crazy-like.

We’re Americans.  We kick ass.  That’s what we do.   Now, you beautiful bastards, get out there and VOTE, I don’t care who you vote for.  Although if you vote for Bush, the whole ass-kicking thing will be over quicker, seeing as we won”t have to sit around waiting for the German Bundeswehr to get back from getting their nails done before we can get the show going.